me, dieting, and depression.

The problem with me dieting is that i tend to get depressed. Not because of weight, or because of the way i look, or because i miss food. I get depressed because of my family. They all live in the Philippines and they have a hard life & it bothers me to no end that i can't save the day and help them all the time.

So recently, as in starting around Memorial Day, i found out that my brother is having a really hard time with his new baby and family. Financially, harmoniously, just everything. I know i'm not responsible for him, but if you knew the history, you'd understand why i feel like i'm responsible for him.

He's my little brother, he hasn't had an easy day in his entire life, he's had to battle growing up around/in gangs, finding our father post suicide attempt, and just in general an emotionally trying life. I just feel really helpless to help him, or at least help put him on a path that isn't self destruction =(

I know this is probably not making any sense to anyone since i'm just rambling, but i had to vent. It consumes me, and in turn, i consume food =\ It just depresses me to no end, and when i'm depressed, i comfort myself with food.

Anyways, suffice to say, i've gained 3lbs since my last weight in and i'm totally bumming. i'm back on the diet today and promised myself i'd go exercise every day until it's off to Florida.

I really need to address my depression if i'm going to be successful on this. ugh. i never thought i lacked willpower, i mean, i ran a damned marathon for god's sake, it's not like i'm not persistent... grrrr.