dear god...

...ugh. i need an appetite suppressant today. big time. I'm craving very very bad foods, i think i waited too long inbetween shakes accidently!! LAME. LAME. LAME.

Cause + Effect

... wasn't that a 90's band?

What i love about this diet is it's no guesswork.

You do the diet, you lose the weight.
You cheat on the diet, you stop losing.
no genius work needed.

So i'm totally back on the wagon, passed the hard transition part, in ketosis again, and damn was the transition hard. Right now it's pretty easy to stick to though, so i'm encouraged.

Normally i have the pre-shaken juice box sized shakes, but while traveling i tried the powder. YUCK. The pre-shaken shakes are totally the way to go, the powder is pretty hard to swallow in my opinion. & those carmel crunch bars are delicious!! yummy...

Tonight is the Laker game, DAMN their sucking... also, wtf is up with the fans?? these are NOT THE LAKER FANS i have grown to love... these guys are assholes. no chanting, no major cheering except for the Jack of course... who was out of his seat most of the time...

although, perhaps if they would LOWER the ticket prices, real fans could actually get out there...
instead of being confined to their apartment or local sports bar...

Encouraging

So i went to the Dr for my weekly visit, and was dreading it given that i had fallen off the wagon...

YET. i STILL LOST 3lbs that week. yahooooo!!

i love this diet. it's fabulous. My Doctor is also great. He really took the time to figure out what was going on in my life that was stalling my commitment.

My mother was diagnosed with cancer last Thursday and my depression really hit me. Being an emotional eater I immediately turned to food for solace. The Doc took the time to find out what stage she was in, took the time to explain what that means, mortality rates etc, and by the time i left, i felt so much better. Don't ask me how a Beverly Hills, highly sought after weight loss Dr has an extra hour and half to speak to a patient regarding their mother and her condition.... I just know i'm thankful for it. IT was the best therapy i could have asked for!

So i'm currently in Florida at a convention. I brought some powder version of the shakes & plan and am using that... but have to have business dinners all week except thursday. I'll try to stick to dinner salads & non carb options... hopefully it'll be ok!!

PS. CONGRATS DORINA on losing 15KG which i think is about 40lbs!!!!! That is amazing!!!

Back on the Wagon...

OK, day 2 of being completely back on the wagon!! Taking stock of everything i ended up gaining 3lbs, and already lost that in the 2 days i've been back. I'm still going to have to hear some bollocking from my Dr, but whatever, we all slip (don't we??)

i've updated my hula meter... T-6months to Bora bora!!

Things that make me Happy =)

Writing.
not that you can tell with this blog =D But i am attempting to write my first horror novel. It all stemmed from being really really sick this summer and reading everything i could get my hands on. I'm a fan of the genre to start with, my favorite author of the genre being Clive Barker, especially his earlier stuff. In any case, i read a pile of books during that time, and thought i could do this!! i love to write, i always have, and it would pretty much be my dream to be a published author...

Musicals. (won the WICKED LOTTERY again)
I love to sing, so musicals tend to put me in a fabulous mood. I really enjoyed Wicked, and anyone wanting to see it should definitely try the Lottery before the show! i've won 2ce, and they're front row tickets and cost only 25$ =) i'm pretty much a sucker for anything i can see on stage.

Solving complex techincal issues.
i'm an IT geek, what can i say.

Beach
I grew up in LA, and have always loved the Beach. It puts me in a fantastic mood, no matter WHAT i'm worrying about. I'm not a 'lay in the sun' kinda girl, i like to go and play in the water. Although, beaches here vs beaches in the Philippines, it's a sad comparison. Philippines has white sands, body temperate water, and is just wonderful, but when i'm not there, i do have to get my fill at Zuma or Will Rogers.

BORA BORA!!
Planning for my upcoming honeymoon to Bora Bora!!! i'm having more fun with this than i am planning the wedding!!! here's some pics of where i want to stay:

me, dieting, and depression.

The problem with me dieting is that i tend to get depressed. Not because of weight, or because of the way i look, or because i miss food. I get depressed because of my family. They all live in the Philippines and they have a hard life & it bothers me to no end that i can't save the day and help them all the time.

So recently, as in starting around Memorial Day, i found out that my brother is having a really hard time with his new baby and family. Financially, harmoniously, just everything. I know i'm not responsible for him, but if you knew the history, you'd understand why i feel like i'm responsible for him.

He's my little brother, he hasn't had an easy day in his entire life, he's had to battle growing up around/in gangs, finding our father post suicide attempt, and just in general an emotionally trying life. I just feel really helpless to help him, or at least help put him on a path that isn't self destruction =(

I know this is probably not making any sense to anyone since i'm just rambling, but i had to vent. It consumes me, and in turn, i consume food =\ It just depresses me to no end, and when i'm depressed, i comfort myself with food.

Anyways, suffice to say, i've gained 3lbs since my last weight in and i'm totally bumming. i'm back on the diet today and promised myself i'd go exercise every day until it's off to Florida.

I really need to address my depression if i'm going to be successful on this. ugh. i never thought i lacked willpower, i mean, i ran a damned marathon for god's sake, it's not like i'm not persistent... grrrr.

oh evil memorial day...

how i loathe thee and all your available yummy grilled items...

ugh. i totally fell off the wagon & getting back on the wagon today SUCKED BALLS. It's ok though, i'll hop back on the wagon again and won't beat myself up... I'm nervous because i have to fly to Florida in about a week.
So not sure how the shakes will travel, or if the airline will let me take them.

& not sure how the socializing aspect is going to be... =( it's going to be brutal being the only person there not eating the catered foods / drinking up a storm... i wish i could have an uninterrupted 1 month without travel and or social obligations =(

OK, trying to keep up the good humor... but it is kinda wearing on me.. i'm also having this wierd pain on 2 locatins on my back... not sure why, and hopefully unrelated.

To Dorina....

hello!!! i hope you haven't given up completely on my blog =) i would love a partner in this, it helps!! any ideas and tips as well!!

i've neglected my posts...

But not Optifast!!! I'm exactly 1 month as of yesterday, and i'm happy to report i have lost 17 blasted pounds! never to return!!!

I cheated a total of 4 times at social occassions, but i kept it carb free to stay in ketosis.. a couple drinks though, so bad bad.

But i got RIGHT back on the wagon anytime i fell off & didn't beat myself up...

ok... here's my virtual model pics =D

11 days, 10.5 lbs.

wow. 11 days later, and 10.5 lbs weight loss. Doesn't make TOO much of a difference in my virtual model, but it makes enough of a difference that i'm feeling the momentum build & have hardened my resolve not to cheat.

I've had a couple hard days, not because i'm hungry, but just because i miss the comfort of a pepperoni pizza sometimes =)

Here's a virtual model update!

ugh

well. today is a hard day. I got my period and as is usual, i crave really bad foods when i'm menustrating... like. islands.. mmm...i'm trying to stop obsessing, but i'm boiling 1 chicken strip and chicken broth... hopefully that'll help me get through the day without cheating =(

i cheated.....

at WEIGHING IN early. NA na... thought i cheated on the diet didntcha...



i've lost 6lbs!!!! in 4 days. WOW. that is insane...

i conquered MOVIE TEMPTATION!!!

went to see forgetting sarah marshall & didn't even flinch at no popcorn, no apple sausage baguette... etc..

YAHA ME!

Optifast - Day 4 - Week 1

10:30AM update:

So far so good. My energy levels go up and down, i feel perpetually full, and i haven't *really* been tempted.

what surprises me is how easy it is to stick to. I thought for sure that i'd be pining for food every minute of every day, but not only haven't i, but this has almost been somewhat of a relief. the obsessing over food, the worrying about it, the looking forward to it, has all disappeared.

Dare i use the word... liberating???
Not to mention the amount of time i save not cooking, or finding lunch (like i'm a scavenger...)

It's kinda exciting!

9:PM -

oh man, i started early today, shake early, ended at 7PM, so needless to say i'm a bit hungry and tired.

2 things, i started my period. JOY. Note the sarcasm. and we're going to a movie = TEMPTATION TEMPTATION TEMPTATION....

Optifast - Day 3 - Week 1

Same old Same old, woke up easy as pie this morning, even though my fiance came home at 4AM, i didn't realize it and went into a panic that he got into a car accident.. ya know, you wake up from a bad dream, and convince yourself something horrible has happened... it's not only me that does that is it? ....is it?

It's about 3PM, it's my first day venturing out of my house while on this diet. Temptation is at every turn, someone brought in donuts and bagels. assholes. in any case, i was able to power through it, which btw, NEVER happens...

SO not much to report as of 3, except that i feel great, again with the dizzy, but lotsa energy!!!

Ok, 10PM report - i'm shocked i always feel full. wiiierrd, i better be losing weight >=o

GOALS

do i REALLY look like that now? blech.

Optifast - Day 2 - Week 1

Woke up this morning with no problem. No grogginess like normal, but i think this has to do with the appetite suppressant yesterday.

10:AM
Chocolate Shake & Bottle of Water. joy. >=o
Wellness Scale: No headache when i woke, i don't feel hungry (ODDLY) but kinda light headed.

1PM
Choco Shake & Bottle of Water. i think i'm getting sick of these!!!
Wellness Scale: NO HEADACHE!! yahoo! I took a B12 sublingual & good gravy, i feel like i could climb everest!!

4PM
Choco Shake & Bottle of water. blech. had some broth, yummmmy
Wellness Scale: I feel GREAT. i'm shocked, i'm not hungry, i'm not full, but i have energy. the only time i want other food is if i see a commercial for something yummy...

7ish - watched a cake challenge on food network. WHY LORD WHY... so i had some clear chicken broth to stave off a need to taste something yummyyyy..
Wellness Scale: It's scary HOW energetic i feel, maybe the B12 supplement, but WOO HOO! i thought for sure i would feel waning and weak, as i have with most other diets, but not at all. Completely the opposite really. I am sometimes lightheaded when i exert allot of energy, but for the most part i feel great...

I'm trying really hard not to step on a scale this week, it makes me obsess, so i'm going to stop until it's time for the Drs appt, but so far so good....

Optifast - Day 1 - Week 1

Well, i recently got engaged and I decided it was finally time to do something about my weight! my annoying, hanging on, spilling over my jeans weight. So i did my research, and decided that Optifast might be a good alternative for me.

A couple reasons i chose Optifast -

• I thought that having my meals predestined would get me to stop obsessing about what to eat.
• I liked the idea of being Doctor monitored on a weekly basis. nothing more motivating than having to own up to your scale 1ce a week and have someone monitoring you.
• The cost, albeit not cheap, was about how much i spent eating out every week.
• Results for people seem to be kinda amazing.
• I liked the idea of having to put myself through something challenging, makes it more fun for me =)

I won't lie, i basically get to have 4 shakes a day, the size of a Hi-C juice box, and not quite as tasty, and that's a little daunting. On top of the shakes i get to have 2 other types of food. i chose pudding & granola bars.

So i woke up this morning, and i raised my weary head... was VERY leary of trying it, but excited at the same time.

10:30 AM
So, popped open my first one, a chocolate shake, nice and cold. I had read all these reviews about the shakes tasting yucky.... but REALLY not true! it was totally fine, not bad *at all*.
so i sipped it like it was a meal, drank 16oz of water with it.
Wellbeing Scale: Nervous but felt fine.
Energy: i'm never energetic in the AM.

1:30PM
Time for my second shake, this time Strawberry. Not bad again, tastes like a melted mcdonalds shake =) so far so good.
Wellbeing Scale: Wondered if i'd notice any difference. No hunger pangs, which shocked me.
Energy: Felt fine!

4:30PM
Time for Shake #3, Vanilla. er, i think i'll stick with Chocolate and Strawberry please.
Wellbeing Scale: Feeling kinda tingly actually, don't know if it was the appetite suppressant, or the lack of food.
Energy: Waning.

7:30PM
Time for Shake #4, we're back to chocolate, i think it's my favorite....
Wellbeing Scale: Have a pretty bad headache, feel very tingly. Took a hot shower and laid down for awhile, thank god i had the day off of work to acclimate.
Energy: i'm definitely crashing a bit... my head feels like a lead weight on my shoulders =(

*************btw, my FURY is rising. Clinton won in PA. LAME. **************

9:PM
well, I tasted the pudding. um, it tastes kinda like well, i dunno, but not good. so i trashed that, ate a granola bar instead(the optifast granola bars) that was pretty good and felt substantial (relatively obviously). & had 1 cup, 10 calories worth, of clear chicken broth with pepper.
Wellbeing Scale: My headache at this point is unbearable. i'm going to take some Trazadone and go to BED.
Energy: NONE.


Well Day 1 started OK, and i'm NOT sure if the headache is due to the appetite suppressant. tomorrow i'll try and get through the day without the appetite suppressant & see if that helps. I don't think i can take many more headaches like that in my life! .