dear god...

...ugh. i need an appetite suppressant today. big time. I'm craving very very bad foods, i think i waited too long inbetween shakes accidently!! LAME. LAME. LAME.

Cause + Effect

... wasn't that a 90's band?

What i love about this diet is it's no guesswork.

You do the diet, you lose the weight.
You cheat on the diet, you stop losing.
no genius work needed.

So i'm totally back on the wagon, passed the hard transition part, in ketosis again, and damn was the transition hard. Right now it's pretty easy to stick to though, so i'm encouraged.

Normally i have the pre-shaken juice box sized shakes, but while traveling i tried the powder. YUCK. The pre-shaken shakes are totally the way to go, the powder is pretty hard to swallow in my opinion. & those carmel crunch bars are delicious!! yummy...

Tonight is the Laker game, DAMN their sucking... also, wtf is up with the fans?? these are NOT THE LAKER FANS i have grown to love... these guys are assholes. no chanting, no major cheering except for the Jack of course... who was out of his seat most of the time...

although, perhaps if they would LOWER the ticket prices, real fans could actually get out there...
instead of being confined to their apartment or local sports bar...

Encouraging

So i went to the Dr for my weekly visit, and was dreading it given that i had fallen off the wagon...

YET. i STILL LOST 3lbs that week. yahooooo!!

i love this diet. it's fabulous. My Doctor is also great. He really took the time to figure out what was going on in my life that was stalling my commitment.

My mother was diagnosed with cancer last Thursday and my depression really hit me. Being an emotional eater I immediately turned to food for solace. The Doc took the time to find out what stage she was in, took the time to explain what that means, mortality rates etc, and by the time i left, i felt so much better. Don't ask me how a Beverly Hills, highly sought after weight loss Dr has an extra hour and half to speak to a patient regarding their mother and her condition.... I just know i'm thankful for it. IT was the best therapy i could have asked for!

So i'm currently in Florida at a convention. I brought some powder version of the shakes & plan and am using that... but have to have business dinners all week except thursday. I'll try to stick to dinner salads & non carb options... hopefully it'll be ok!!

PS. CONGRATS DORINA on losing 15KG which i think is about 40lbs!!!!! That is amazing!!!

Back on the Wagon...

OK, day 2 of being completely back on the wagon!! Taking stock of everything i ended up gaining 3lbs, and already lost that in the 2 days i've been back. I'm still going to have to hear some bollocking from my Dr, but whatever, we all slip (don't we??)

i've updated my hula meter... T-6months to Bora bora!!

Things that make me Happy =)

Writing.
not that you can tell with this blog =D But i am attempting to write my first horror novel. It all stemmed from being really really sick this summer and reading everything i could get my hands on. I'm a fan of the genre to start with, my favorite author of the genre being Clive Barker, especially his earlier stuff. In any case, i read a pile of books during that time, and thought i could do this!! i love to write, i always have, and it would pretty much be my dream to be a published author...

Musicals. (won the WICKED LOTTERY again)
I love to sing, so musicals tend to put me in a fabulous mood. I really enjoyed Wicked, and anyone wanting to see it should definitely try the Lottery before the show! i've won 2ce, and they're front row tickets and cost only 25$ =) i'm pretty much a sucker for anything i can see on stage.

Solving complex techincal issues.
i'm an IT geek, what can i say.

Beach
I grew up in LA, and have always loved the Beach. It puts me in a fantastic mood, no matter WHAT i'm worrying about. I'm not a 'lay in the sun' kinda girl, i like to go and play in the water. Although, beaches here vs beaches in the Philippines, it's a sad comparison. Philippines has white sands, body temperate water, and is just wonderful, but when i'm not there, i do have to get my fill at Zuma or Will Rogers.

BORA BORA!!
Planning for my upcoming honeymoon to Bora Bora!!! i'm having more fun with this than i am planning the wedding!!! here's some pics of where i want to stay:

me, dieting, and depression.

The problem with me dieting is that i tend to get depressed. Not because of weight, or because of the way i look, or because i miss food. I get depressed because of my family. They all live in the Philippines and they have a hard life & it bothers me to no end that i can't save the day and help them all the time.

So recently, as in starting around Memorial Day, i found out that my brother is having a really hard time with his new baby and family. Financially, harmoniously, just everything. I know i'm not responsible for him, but if you knew the history, you'd understand why i feel like i'm responsible for him.

He's my little brother, he hasn't had an easy day in his entire life, he's had to battle growing up around/in gangs, finding our father post suicide attempt, and just in general an emotionally trying life. I just feel really helpless to help him, or at least help put him on a path that isn't self destruction =(

I know this is probably not making any sense to anyone since i'm just rambling, but i had to vent. It consumes me, and in turn, i consume food =\ It just depresses me to no end, and when i'm depressed, i comfort myself with food.

Anyways, suffice to say, i've gained 3lbs since my last weight in and i'm totally bumming. i'm back on the diet today and promised myself i'd go exercise every day until it's off to Florida.

I really need to address my depression if i'm going to be successful on this. ugh. i never thought i lacked willpower, i mean, i ran a damned marathon for god's sake, it's not like i'm not persistent... grrrr.

oh evil memorial day...

how i loathe thee and all your available yummy grilled items...

ugh. i totally fell off the wagon & getting back on the wagon today SUCKED BALLS. It's ok though, i'll hop back on the wagon again and won't beat myself up... I'm nervous because i have to fly to Florida in about a week.
So not sure how the shakes will travel, or if the airline will let me take them.

& not sure how the socializing aspect is going to be... =( it's going to be brutal being the only person there not eating the catered foods / drinking up a storm... i wish i could have an uninterrupted 1 month without travel and or social obligations =(

OK, trying to keep up the good humor... but it is kinda wearing on me.. i'm also having this wierd pain on 2 locatins on my back... not sure why, and hopefully unrelated.